Six Principles Worth Looking At
In Genesis 24, Abraham’s servant stands at a well in a foreign land, tasked with finding a wife for Isaac. He doesn’t scroll through profiles or follow his feelings. He prays, watches, and waits. God answers in a way he could never engineer on his own.
That ancient story holds surprising wisdom for today’s singles. If you are a Christian, trusting God with your love life — or trying to — here are six principles worth holding onto.
1. Go to the Right Places
Abraham’s servant didn’t wander aimlessly. God didn’t leave him guessing, saying, ‘You’re getting warmer… warmer… hot!’ God told him exactly where to go, the right family, in the right region, at the right well. Location and community mattered then, and they matter now.
You’re most likely to meet your future spouse in the circles where you’re already investing your time and gifts. If you want a partner who loves serving others, get involved in ministry. If you want someone active and outdoors-minded, pursue those interests yourself. The point isn’t to strategically go places to find a spouse — it’s to live purposefully in alignment with your values and trust that the right person is doing the same.
Your Christian community is one of your greatest assets here. The smaller your network of fellow believers, the fewer opportunities you have to meet the right one. If you are not planted in a church — do so. Build friendships there and serve alongside them. Let your faith be the foundation of your social world, and you’ll naturally be in proximity to others who share it. Keep in mind, though, that not everyone who attends church is a committed Christian — the goal isn’t just to find someone who checks off most of your boxes, but someone who is genuinely walking with God.
Get involved in faith-based events. From serving at a food pantry to going on a mission trip, these low-pressure settings can reveal character in ways that coffee dates simply cannot. You see how someone handles stress and criticism, responds to inconvenience and so on.
Yes, it’s possible to meet someone on faith-based dating apps like eHarmony, Christian Mingle and Hinge. You can filter your preferences to intentionally connect with a Christian. Used wisely and prayerfully, they can expand your circle. I know several Christians who met their spouses through dating apps. My daughter met her husband on a Christian dating chat room (back in the day).
2. Pray About It — Seriously
This sounds simple, but it’s where most people take shortcuts. The servant’s first move at the well wasn’t to assess the women around him. He prayed: “O Lord God of my master Abraham, please give me success today.”
If marriage is something you desire, bring it to God. Not once, but daily and honestly. For women, pray when the biological clock feels loud. Take the pressure people put on you to the Lord in earnest prayer.
Desperation is one of the biggest enemies of good discernment. When you’re desperate, you stop differentiating between what God is offering and what you’re reaching for on your own. Are you making decisions out of fear of being alone rather than out of faith in God’s timing?
Find your identity and your sense of wholeness in God — not in your career, your hobbies, and not in your relationship status. If you are looking for marriage to complete you – it won’t happen. Only God can. Come to a relationship with someone from a place of fullness, not need, and you’ll be in a far better position to recognize the right person when they appear. Pray about it, release your request, and trust that God hears your prayers and cares for you.
3. Pay Attention to the Signs
Once you’ve prayed and positioned yourself well, pay attention. After the servant prayed, Rebekah appeared — and her actions confirmed what his heart was sensing.
When God is directing you toward someone, there will often be signs. Not always dramatic ones, but meaningful and unmistakable in their own way. After spending time in prayer, someone may come into your life who genuinely gets your attention. The question is whether you’re watching clearly, listening — or whether infatuation is clouding your vision.
Here are some things worth observing:
How they treat others. Watch how they treat people, animals, and those who offer them nothing in return. How they behave tells you far more than how they act on a date.
Who influences them? What content do they consume? Who do they follow and listen to? What you allow to influence you shapes who you become. This matters.
Their friendships. Are their friends people of good character? The company someone keeps reveals a great deal about their values.
What the people who love you think. If everyone in your life who genuinely has your best interest at heart is concerned about this person — your parents, your closest friends — don’t dismiss that. You may be too close to see any red flags.
Whether you have peace. Real peace is different from the excitement of infatuation. It’s a quiet confidence from the Holy Spirit, giving you a growing sense of peace and confidence that this is “The One.”
Whether you can trust them. If someone is giving you mixed signals, changing their story, or you find yourself having to check their phone and fact-checking everything they say, that’s not a small thing. You cannot build intimacy without trust. It may not seem like a dealbreaker now; it very well might be later.
4. Keep It Pure
This is perhaps the most countercultural principle in the list, but it’s also one of the most important. The Bible is clear: sexual intimacy belongs within marriage — not in a long-term dating relationship, not in a cohabitation arrangement, not even in an engagement where “we’re basically married anyway.”
A man who pressures you to compromise your convictions before marriage is showing you exactly how much he respects God’s Word — and how much he respects you. That answer should give you clarity.
If you’re already living together, the loving and honest thing to do is take action. Either get married or establish separate households. Don’t keep building a life together in a way that isn’t honoring to God while waiting for the “perfect time” to do things right. There will never be the perfect time. If marriage is your intention, don’t keep postponing obedience indefinitely.
Sex is a gift from God — designed within the context of marriage. Taken outside that context, it creates entanglement, confusion, and heartache that make it far harder to evaluate whether this person is actually right for you. Keeping the relationship pure protects both of you and gives the relationship the best possible foundation.
5. Meet the Family
Before making a serious commitment, you might want to spend time with their family. This isn’t old-fashioned — it’s wisdom. Family patterns, both healthy and unhealthy ones, tend to run deep. The way someone was raised, how they relate to their parents and siblings, what was modeled for them in the home, their family traditions — all of it gives you important information about the person they are and the spouse they may become.
Marriage is also more than two people joining together. You are gaining a family; they are gaining one too. If at all possible, involve your own family in the process. The people who have known you longest and love you most deserve a voice — even if the final decision is always yours.
6. Don’t Drag Your Feet
When everything lines up — character checks out, peace is present, family approves, trust is solid — don’t wait indefinitely for some additional sign from heaven. Nobody ever feels fully ready for marriage. It’s like hiking: you might be a newbie and not ready for the long hike, but as you start, your legs will respond and grow stronger as you walk the long road. Marriage is much the same. You may not feel completely ready when you begin, but strength, wisdom, and maturity grow along the journey.
The servant, once Rebekah’s family agreed, said simply: “The Lord has prospered my way — send me away so I may go.”He didn’t linger. When it was right, he moved.
If you’ve been dating someone for years with no movement toward commitment, ask yourself honestly why. If this is truly the right person and the right season, take the next step. Propose. Plan the wedding. Begin your life together.
If you have been putting yourself out there, have been waiting — continue to be prayerful. When the time comes, if it is God’s will, He will bring your spouse to you. When He does, be ready, and don’t be afraid to move forward in faith.
Trust Him with the journey. Be patient — and trust that the same God who guided a servant to a well in a foreign land can guide you, too.