Those thoughts – the thoughts that just keep popping up randomly when you don’t expect it – the memory of someone’s harsh words that cut deeply. You’ve been wronged; offended—the sting of being physically pushed—or even worse. Hateful comments and careless actions can wound us in ways that linger far longer than we’d like. So why is it so hard to let go? And how exactly do we do it?

The answer lies in forgiveness. To heal, we must forgive those who have wronged us—not outwardly only, but inwardly, sincerely in our hearts. Jesus taught us: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14).

Forgiving Yourself

But what if the one in need of forgiveness is you? What if you said or did something you deeply regret? Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is our own past self. Yet if you belong to Christ, you are not who you used to be. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). God is transforming your heart, and the Holy Spirit is shaping you day by day to reflect Jesus more fully.

Even in everyday life, our hearts are tested. When my husband tells a small lie or neglects a promise he made, I get frustrated. Depending on the situation—and my mood—it can take me some time to extend grace. But Scripture reminds us: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

Someone You Love

And when the hurt comes against someone you love, forgiveness feels even harder. I remember: cruel words spoken to my young daughter about her weight, a brand-new jacket stolen from school, and even her purse snatched at a bus stop. Each of these moments left anger in my heart and reminded me that this world is scarred by sin, and that all of us—at one time or another—say and do things we regret. In this life, people will hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally. Romans 3:23 tells us, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

A Parent

Perhaps your struggle is with a parent whose words or actions left you wounded. Scripture calls us to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12), to treat them with respect, and to seek understanding of where they are coming from. None of us has perfect parents. Still, we are called to show grace. Don’t intentionally cut yourself off from family gatherings or family trips because you refuse to forgive them. You may be surprised by the common ground you share with them. Muster up the courage to forgive and move on.

Pure Evil

But what if the offense was devastating: pure evil? What if your loved one was hurt or even killed? When I heard of Erika Kirk forgiving the man who murdered her husband, Charlie, I was stunned by how quickly her forgiveness came. And yet, it was a powerful witness to the world. “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

How Long?

So, I ask you: how long will you carry the poison of unforgiveness? One year, ten years, 50 years? The bitterness you hold does not harm the offender—it only harms you. Hebrews 12:15 warns us: “See to it that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” Forgiveness doesn’t mean you will forget the transgression. The hurt you feel may linger in your memory, but over time, it will fade away. Depending on their offence, you aren’t letting them off the hook; they are not excused from facing the consequences of their actions, especially if it is against the law. Also, you don’t have to associate with evil people or even those who have a cold, uncaring, unrepentant heart. But forgiveness will free you from the weight of your bitterness.

Someone once said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Jesus forgave—even to those who nailed Him to the cross. As His followers, we are called to do the same. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13).

You Must Try

If you are a follower of Jesus, we are called to do the same – forgive. Forgiving someone is not easy; in fact, to me, it’s one of the hardest things you can do. It takes courage, humility, and sometimes repeated effort. But for your own sake—both mental and physical—you must try.

There is something deep within our fallen human nature that wants revenge. We want to inflict the same type of injury on the one who injured us.

If you are telling yourself, ‘I can’t forgive them.’ I’m telling you – you can – just try. Whether you express it directly to someone or quietly in your heart, I encourage you to choose to release the burden you’ve been carrying around.

If you are a Christian, you’ve been given the power to love your enemies, do good to the haters, bless the cursers, and pray for the abusers (see Luke 6:27–28). Jesus gives us a heart that is willing to forgive.

If you are a Christian and you simply cannot forgive someone, I suggest you pray. Ask Jesus to help you. Ask the Holy Spirit to soften your heart and guide you toward forgiveness. Lay down the weight you’ve been carrying. Let go, and set yourself free.

If you are not a Christian, I suggest you pray for forgiveness of your sins and follow Jesus. Click here for more info.